006. Kitchen Stadium - What?

Food Network was launched in the early 90's to not much fanfare, but has caught on in droves. People sit in their homes every night after work, and usually before dinner, to watch non-stop, 24-hour coverage of other people cooking and subsequently eating food. Is this to prep themselves for their meal that night? Is this to maybe bring a higher standard to their end product at the dinner table? Nobody is really sure. Shows like Chopped highlight the competitive nature of the food industry in our country, and even bring to light a more subtle competition between judges and other renowned "foodies". Not only are the contestants vying to make it to the last "course" (or round) of the show, the judges themselves are busy trying to outdo and outsmart each other in both their critiques and their food vocabulary. Watching this show, or any Food Network show, is kind of exhausting if you're not a foodie. Sure, the food looks great and the competition is always something people can relate to - but it goes a bit far and becomes hard to relate to when these contestants, after being voted off, spend their last 15 minutes of fame crying in front of the camera. Food Network has mixed reality TV, comedy and game shows, and even food pornography into a package that is difficult to take seriously and even more difficult to digest.

    The most offensive and disheartening show on the network is Iron Chef America, where "renowned chefs" from across the world come together in an embarrassingly named "Kitchen Stadium" to compete for the best dish. It's all very subjective, as the end product of everyone's work is all very similar in appearance and taste, seeing as how they typically use the same main ingredients. The judges tear down these professional chefs at the critique period, and the end result becomes something straight out of an episode of Chopped. Alton Brown, the show's play-by-play and color commentator, looks juvenile running around this "stadium" trying to get interviews with the "contestants" while they are furiously working at getting food ready for the judges. His quips and comments throughout are difficult to listen to without laughing and the whole seriousness of the show is questioned constantly. But, this is what the Food Network wants us to fall in love with. Maybe, just maybe, we'll have this dream of being on Iron Chef America or even Chopped and find that sexy food and sexy secret ingredient and perform at this level. 

    Dreaming of being a TV-star chef is sort of like dreaming to make it big as an aspiring actor or rock band. Yeah, it happens to the lucky few from time to time, but most of them just maintain a minor level of success and eventually fizzle out when all is said and done. Food Network drives the point home that what most of us Americans are already doing at home can turn itself into a career. When I watch these shows, I think to myself, "So, Food Network, what you're saying is that my taco and pizza making skills can bring me to the top? Where do I sign up?" It's then that I realize that the images of the lusty and juicy food and ingredients are just a facade to the real world. It's then that the cooking equipment commercials commence and Giada De Laurentiis' latest line of cookware for Target comes on during the break. It's just another industry that was created by consumers for consumers and it's all just a mess.

    The obsession we as a country have with Food Network and other similar shows - don't even get me started on the clusterfuck that is Man Vs. Food and the Travel Channel - is disgusting. Sure, maybe you'll learn a few pointers from Aldon Brown and his cronies, but at the end of the day - cooking is simply a hobby most of us do in our homes. Yes, you can go to school at the many culinary schools in California and elsewhere and really become a 5-star restaurant's lead chef, but that is also like thinking your garage rock band will one day make it out of your parent's garage - it's simply unlikely. It's just unfortunate that the Food Network has succumbed to food porn - that is, images of food shown in a light similar to actual pornography - and invoking pathos at every turn, hoping to get some of us to jump on the bandwagon. At the end of the day, the Food Network isn't necessarily a villain, but a huge speed bump in our nation's image problem internationally.